82nd Academy Awards Live Blog

(All times Eastern | Remember to refresh often)

12:02: That's all, folks. I'm happy The Hurt Locker took the prize. Thanks to everyone who stopped by and left comments or just followed along. This blogger has to be up in five hours, so I'm off to bed. But keep leaving your thoughts in the comments section.

12:00: Kathryn Bigelow is losing her mind on stage right now.

11:59: Wait, are there two Mark Boals on stage?

11:58: Holy fuck! Tom Hanks walks on stage, says "The Hurt Locker" and it's over. Just like that.

11:58: And she made it through her acceptance speech without some obligatory thank you to James Cameron! Awesome!

11:57: The best tribute to Bigelow isn't the award. It's that Mark Boal had tears running down his face after her win and not his own. That says something.

11:55: Kathryn Bigelow wins Best Director and gets felt up by Barbara Streisand.

11:54: And we're back!

11:53: Best Director time ... and my TV just cut out!

11:52: The performance that got Sandra Bullock an Oscar wasn't all that special. But the acceptance speech was. For a moment, I just forgot I had to endure Oprah tonight.

11:49: "Did I really earn this or did I just wear you all down?" Wow. That felt painfully honest.

11:49: And heeeeeeeeeeeere's Sandy.

11:47: What was Sean Penn just babbling about?

11:45: In “our” movie Precious. Right, Oprah. You had nothing to do with that film until it was over. Barf.

11:44: Fucking Oprah.

11:40: OK. Fantasy over. Time for Sandypalooza.

11:40: Carey Mulligan rocks. I’m going to close my eyes for 2 seconds and pretend she’s about to win.

11:38: Wait, so if they’re going to do the actor-to-actor tributes for the ladies, who is going down memory lane about Gabourey Sidibe?

11:37: I think Jeff Bridges got possessed by The Dude halfway through his acceptance speech, but his comments about his parents were nice, man.

11:33: Jeff Bridges, it’s your moment. Enjoy it.

11:31: Those actor-to-actor tributes had their rough spots, but they ripped tonight’s broadcast out of its boring formula. For the first time tonight, I’m happy to be watching. And Kate Winslet is on stage. That doesn't suck.

11:29: Tim Robbins comes up with an (obviously fictional) anecdote that's 10 times funnier than anything the hosts came up with tonight in his tribute to Morgan Freeman. Good stuff.

11:26: Seeing Jeff Bridges’ eyes getting just a little misty during Michelle Pfeiffer’s tribute was the highlight of the night so far.

11:20: OK, so in many ways this Academy Awards is just like any other, but I have the distinct feeling that everyone thinks tonight's Oscar night is especially sucky. So what’s the reason? Poor hosts? A reflection of the films? A reflection of the fact that we all feel we’ve known the winners for the past two months? A lack of magic moments? Something else? All of the above?

11:17: Crap. I just missed which film won Best Foreign Film. I suck. I blame the fact that the grocery store didn’t have double chocolate milanos. I’m off my game. Sorry. I just know it wasn't The White Ribbon, which I still plan to review at some point.

11:15: Best Foreign Film time. Quentin Tarantino just said "France" like “Fronce” – you know, Alex Trebek style. You’d almost think he was cultured, until you remember that he has the Pussy Wagon parked at his house.

11:14: It pains me that Steve Martin is so not funny tonight.

11:10: Keanu Reeves announces the Best Picture montage for The Hurt Locker. If you could go back to about 1992, wouldn’t you bet that Reeves, and not John Cusack, would someday star in a movie called Hot Tub Time Machine? What happened?

11:07: Best Editing goes to The Hurt Locker. The guy seems to be doing his impersonation of Skippy from Family Ties.

11:05: When Tyler Perry said his name will probably never be mentioned again at the Oscars, did he think the joke was on the Academy?

11:01: Best Documentary goes to one of the two nominees I've seen, The Cove (the other being Food, Inc). I always intended to review that movie and never got around to it. There are some really exhilarating cinematic moments in there, which is pretty impressive considering that many were shot on hidden cameras.

10:55: Avatar wins Best Special Effects. This seems as good a time as any to make this observation: One line of reasoning says that Avatar will win Best Picture tonight because it’ll further validate the 3D craze that’s pumping money into a supposedly struggling movie industry. (See: Alice in Wonderland’s $210 million opening weekend.) That makes sense (and cents). But there’s nothing good about James Cameron winning Best Director, right? Unless the Academy is trying to validate blowhards, I mean.

10:53: The winner for Best Score just stole a story out of Steven Spielberg's biography for his acceptance speech.

10:51: I’m not the only one who used the interpretive dance portion to go to the bathroom, right?

10:47: Seriously, Jenny hasn't been on the block this much since 2002. What's with all the J-Lo love tonight? Halle Berry (you know, the Oscar winner) needs a new agent.

10:45: OK. I really hate it when a film’s success is held against it. But, honestly, when’s the last time you’ve thought about Slumdog Millionaire?

10:41: Oscar learns from last year’s mistake and only shows us the performer, James Taylor, to open and close the In Memoriam portion. Of course, that does nothing for Patrick Swayze fans, who had to squint to see his tribute.

10:40: Michael Jackson? Come on!

10:37: How can I ogle Demi Moore when she’s brought on to announce the In Memoriam section? Not cool.

10:35: Sandra Bullock goes through the Best Cinematography nominees like she’s driving the bus on Speed. Avatar wins, of course. Another guy in a tux thanks James Cameron.

10:29: Elizabeth Banks does the “Let’s get this over with as quickly as possible” recognition of the technical awards banquet. This banquet is always hosted by a pretty, young actress, probably because it’s a sausage fest. Next year I think they should hire Zac Efron just to show the nerds who’s boss.

10:28: Some other guy wins Best Sound Mixing for The Hurt Locker. And 95 percent of viewers still don’t understand the difference between the last two categories.

10:25: A guy who looks like a combination of Karl in Die Hard and Scotty in Boogie Nights wins Best Sound Editing for The Hurt Locker. Good for him.

10:23: So a year later the Oscars are still trying to appease fans of The Dark Knight with a making-of featurette on sound editing and mixing. Curious.

10:20: Honestly, I promise you that every audience gasped more frequently during Precious than during Silence of the Lambs. So I guess that means it's horror, according to this montage.

10:19: Thanks to the horror movie montage for inadvertently plugging the Steve McQueen Blog-a-thon with shots from The Blob.

10:18: OK. The Paranormal Activity riff was pretty funny. Maybe Martin and Baldwin should have prerecorded their entire hosting gig.

10:12: Thousands of people add Precious to their Netflix queues after its Best Picture montage somehow manages to include every uplifting moment in the film. Suckers.

10:11: Wow. The winner of Best Costume Design is so bored of winning Oscars that she’s practically ready to drop off hers at Goodwill tonight. I like the idea of not taking these awards too seriously, but that was almost offensively dismissive, wasn't it?

10:06: Best Art Direction time. I like this category. Avatar wins. Somewhere Jim Emerson is weeping. But I gotta say: Pandora in 3D was spectacular.

10:01: I’m glad that black actors and actresses are finally getting Oscar recognition; deservingly so. But Hollywood underlines its whiteness each year when the Oscar broadcast inevitably goes hunting for dark skinned faces and only finds a few. It’s like a Republican National Convention in there.

9:59: As I said in my review, Mo’Nique delivered a performance to remember in the film I’d love to forget. Very deserving win.

9:56: Best Supporting Actress time. Ro’bin Will’iams comes on to read the names of the nominees, including heavily favored Mo’Nique.

9:52: Queen Latifah is charming and all, but she’s also a sign of the many decades that went by without any decent roles for black women. She gets treated like she’s the female Sidney Poitier or something. It’s embarrassing.

9:50: Best Adapted Screenplay time. And Precious wins. Good lord. I’m so upset. I feel like I’m obese and illiterate and my dad raped me and now I’ve just found out I have AIDS. How should I channel this disappointment? Oh! I remember! “Write! Write!”

9:46: Time for a mini-rant: Look, the whole celebrity worship thing is totally out of whack in this country. But the Coens do their “we don’t give a damn” shtick to an equally immature degree, if you ask me. Face it, guys. You're in the game. Play it.

9:44: Just saw a clip from A Serious Man. Am I correct that only Ethan Coen has bothered to show up tonight? Does Joel have a good excuse? Or did I just miss him?

9:41: After some goofy fun with Ben Stiller dressed as one of the Na’vi, the crew from Star Trek wins Best Makeup. Exactly how much makeup was in that movie, other than Spock’s ears?

9:37: The acceptance speech for Best Live Short goes to two guys who simultaneously win the award for Most Uncomfortable on Stage.

9:35: So a possibly poignant acceptance speech for Documentary Short gets interrupted by a woman who scolds the man for talking while overlooking her own poor etiquette. She acts like a party crasher but isn't, I guess. That was unfortunate.

9:34: Best Documentary Short goes to Music by Prudence. And what the fuck is going on …?

9:30: Best Animated Short time. I’ve seen exactly none of these, except an excerpt from Logorama, which wins as predicted. Nice gimmick, I guess.

9:25: I hate to go here, but was anyone else thinking about Macaulay Culkin’s childhood friendship with Michael Jackson as he was driving the point home about how John Hughes respected him?

9:23: I think Dr. Drew just saw all those John Hughes alums on stage and got an idea for a new reality show.

9:20: I can’t decide if that montage of John Hughes movies makes me grateful I’ll never have to be a teenager again or suicidal that I’m now a soulless adult.

9:17: Molly Ringwald takes the stage. Must be time to pay tribute to her dead career. Oops. Wrong again. It’s time for a John Hughes tribute.

9:16: And Jason Reitman wins Best Original Screenplay. Oops. Nope. That’s Mark Boal. This is a big win for everyone hoping that Avatar won’t win Best Picture tonight.

9:15: Could Inglourious Basterds get some love here? Pretty please.

9:13: Tina Fey and Robert Downey, Jr., provide the first genuine laughs of the night before reading the nominees for Best Original Screenplay. J-Lo covers her mouth laughing … but I think that’s her continued amazement that she’s sitting so close to the stage.

9:11: The Academy Awards … providing courtesy laughs from A-listers!

9:09: By the way: One of the Best Original Song winners said he loves his wife “more than rainbows.” No word on if she loves him more than unicorns. But I sure hope so.

9:05: “There are a lot of secrets in District 9.” One of them is that after a promising start, the film is reduced to a mindless action flick.

9:04: You knew Crazy Heart would bring home a Best Song statuette. And it does. Great music. Good film.

9:02: In the montage for the Best Song category, I lose 10 more seconds of my life to Nine. Damn.

9:00: Miley Cyrus insists that both she and Amanda Seyfried are nervous, but only Hannah Montanta is stumbling over herself.

8:58: Best Animated Feature Film goes to Up. Doug the dog rules! And Wes Anderson fans everywhere are smashing their monogrammed luggage.

8:52: So as they went to commercial, I think I caught a shot of Demi Moore sitting next to an obvious seat-filler. It looked like a new trailer for the cougar version of She’s Out of My League.

8:50: Classy acceptance speech for Waltz. I am content. Let the shit break loose.

8:49: Christoph wins! “Uber-bingo!” Yes!

8:48: OK, that Hans Landa montage makes me want to turn off the Academy Awards and watch Inglourious Basterds right now. But …

8:47: Best Supporting Actor time. It should be Christoph Waltz. It will be Christoph Waltz. If it isn’t Christoph Waltz I’m quitting the live blog. This is the only award tonight to which I’m emotionally attached.

8:44: Wow. I never thought I’d say this: Bring back Whoopi Goldberg. That was a rough opening.

8:40: Sam Worthington is not laughing. Sadly, I’m not either.

8:38: OK. So basically the producers of the Academy Awards said, “You know how the banter between awards presenters is always forced and lame?” Let’s play that up by having two hosts! Genius!

8:35: Wow. I saw that first joke coming from 3,000 miles away. Not a promising start.

8:34: Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, ladies and gents. I’m excited about the first part.

8:31: And it’s Neil Patrick Harris. Cue up a musical number.

8:30: Here we go!

8:27: Bye, Kathy. I’ll miss you. Next stop ... the Academy Awards.

8:22: Can Kathy Ireland ask questions all night? She’s really entertaining.

8:16: Sarah Jessica Parker is in her Queen Amidala gown with a Matthew Broderick handbag. Huh? What? That’s actually Matthew Broderick? Oh.

8:14: Jennifer Lopez says Precious was a tough movie to watch “at times.” If by “at times” she meant from the opening credits to the closing credits, she nailed it.

8:12: There’s Morgan Freeman. If he waves to the crowd tonight will people think he’s playing Nelson Mandela again? Oscar! Oscar!

8:10: At what point does it become unacceptable to find Helen Mirren sexy? She’s amazing. And Vincent Price looks good, too. Oh, wait. That’s Christopher Plummer. My bad.

8:09: This just in: Kathy Ireland is going to replace Michael Phelps as the next spokesperson for Rosetta Stone. It’s how she learned English, apparently.

8:08: Winner for Best Over-Enunciation … Kathy Ireland, ladies and gentlemen.

8:04: Kathy Ireland “can’t wait” for Prince of Persia. Well, there’s one person.

8:02: Somewhere Pedro Almodovar is pissed that Penelope Cruz isn’t showing gratuitous cleavage tonight. (OK, so he’s not the only one.)

7:53: Ryan Seacrest figures that Crazy Heart was in Jeff Bridges’ “comfort zone” because he’s a musician. That makes sense. And then there’s the fact that Bridges is an actor. That might have helped.

7:50: My favorite red carpet moment so far was when Ryan Seacrest asked Sigourney Weaver about her initial thoughts reading the Avatar screenplay. Weaver said they were, “Wow!” and “Unreal!” I presume her next thought was, “I can’t believe my career has gotten to the point that I’m considering playing a character with such pitiful dialogue.”

7:48: By the way, if you’ve been taking a drink each time Sandra Bullock has been referred to as “Sandy” tonight, you are absolutely wasted. I wonder if she’s seated near Marty Scorsese and Bob Redford?

7:45: Quick takes on what I’ve seen from the red carpet so far: Faith Hill is dressed like she’s working a brothel in a Western movie; Sarah Jessica Parker appears to be wearing a dress designed by Queen Amidala; Amanda Seyfried looks fantastic; George Clooney amazingly doesn’t look totally perfect (what’s with the hair?).

7:00: Welcome to the live blog of the 82nd Academy Awards. Allison’s Red Carpet Live Blog is still going strong, so open up another browser window and multitask, people. I'll be back later.