Red Carpet Live Blog (2010)

This live blog is by Allison Morris of the wildly entertaining Tales From LaLa Land. The following unedited, uncensored views aren’t necessarily those of The Cooler – which doesn’t mean they aren’t accurate, or hilarious. Enjoy!

(All times Eastern.)

8:30: That wraps the Red Carpet Live Blog. Here's Jason.

8:25: Miley's eye makeup looks stunning. Too bad I am sidetracked by the fact that one of her front two teeth is three inches shorter than the other.

8:20: Sarah Jessica Parker looks terrible. Terrible makeup. She's not aging gracefully at all. It wouldn't hurt her to put a few pounds on her frame. Her husband constantly looks bored and disgusted by all this, but you can tell she loves it. I don't blame her. It would be fun to wear a Chanel dress on loan. Cameron Diaz obviously practiced the same answer: Something about this being an opportunity to catch up with people she hasn't seen since working with them. It's an odd answer, but I guess it helps her justify being there. She looks extremely tired. Or drunk. Or stoned.

8:12: Helen Mirren is so pretty. She looks beautiful. Part of that has to do with the fact that she doesn't look like she's had 47 botox injections. Also, ABC must have worked tirelessly to build this cover for the red carpet. It's very, very windy here today, but we're not seeing any of that. Everyone seems warm and there are no flyaways.

8:08: Because of this live-blog, my husband just went to the store for Sunday night grocery shopping. I won't even describe my level of anxiety, but here's to hoping we aren't eating Oreos for dinner.

8:07: I love the supporting actress category. It's a cool feature to see them all standing next to each other. There's been a lot of rumors that Maggie G. got plastic surgery on her face. I was trying to see what it would be, but she looks the same to me. After the supporting actress group interview, we are thrown to Maggies brother, Jake G., being interviewed by the world's most annoying interviewer.

8:00: Cameron Diaz is not wearing red. And she looks baked out of her mind. This is the end of the E! coverage so I am switching to ABC now.

7:55: It's so tacky for Ryan to constantly push nominees. Why would he ask, "Are you ready for your speech?" Sure, there are frontrunners, but what does he expect them to say? And when he's asking Sandra about her speech, what is he supposed to say to Meryl Streep? It's in poor taste, Ryan.

7:45: I am a huge Robert Downey, Jr., fan. Huge. Please, please, please don't let him fall off the wagon. His life is better when he's off the bad shit. He's great for movies. He's hot. His wife runs his shit. He's a good man. I am pulling for him. One of my favorite movies ever is Less Than Zero, but I sometimes wonder if it lead to bad things for him. He's one of those very serious actors who dives into his roles, so I do not condone him playing Ozzy Osborne in a movie. Ever.

7:42: Keanu Reeves needs to shave that shit off his face. Wow. Just saw Kristen Stewart. She looks really good. She's smiling, and doesn't seem miserable. Why does Ryan insist on introducing people on the red carpet. It really creates awkward moments. However, I really loved that Gabourey Sidibe fist-bumped Keanu. However, I don't follow the porn comment.

7:35: I would really like to drink with George Clooney for one night. I hate his hair tonight, but he's tipsy, happy, and really funny. He doesn't take himself to seriously, and really doesn't seem affected by any of this. Good for him. Clooney and company are followed by Meryl Streep her just OWNED Ryan. Also, I will take back my snark on J-Lo because she seemed really sweet when talking to Ryan.

7:30: Matt Damon does not play. He's not being rude to Ryan, but you can tell that he thinks the questions are bullshit (or by this point he's sick of answering the same questions), and that he doesn't want to waste his time doing this. At least he was nicer than Angelina Jolie last year. Just got a glimpse of Jason Bateman. He is yummy. Also just got a glimpse of J-Lo, and I'm wondering why she is there. She never met a red carpet she didn't love. I know that her ass is her best feature, but that dress makes her look even wider than usual.

7:23: How adorable is Stanley Tucci? I love him. What. The. Fuck. is Charlize Theron wearing? She should have laid off the apple pipe when she picked out her dress. It's unfortunate because she's beautiful. But, no one will be looking at her face. They'll be looking at her boobs. I guess that's probably how it usually for most girls anyway.

7:17: I am not even going to touch Miley and her mom. If my mom had those back tattoos, she would not be with me at the Oscars in a backless dress. Anyway, I almost feel like I shouldn't even discuss what Kathryn Bigelow is wearing. The fact that she could potentially become the first female to win an Oscar for directing makes me want to talk about her work instead of her look. Unfortunately, I haven't seen the movie, so I don't know if she truly deserves the nod, but it's 2010 and I think it's about time that a woman wins for directing. Not to mention, she would be edging out her ex-husband, James Cameron. I don't care if the divorce was amicable or not - that would probably feel damn good. Especially considering The Hurt Locker cost 1/20 of what Avatar cost. You go girl!

7:10:Tim McGraw is drunk. Or something. Faith Hill is a very pretty lady, but she doesn't look that stunning tonight. I don't like her makeup. Also, is Ryan the shortest person on the red carpet? Come on, Miley Cyrus. Quit channeling your inner Kristen Stewart and stand up straight. Act like you belong there. Even though you don't.

7:03: I'm pretty sure Tyler Perry (or TP if you're Ryan Seacrest) just gave a shout out to my blog.

7:00: I definitely like when people take risks with their fashion, but I'm on the fence about Diane Kruger's dress. The detail is impressive, and it's very feminine, but I don't like the black thing around her neck. I think I like the dress from the waste down. By the way, Sandra said "poo poo" on the red carpet.

6:55: EEEK! Sandra looks GORGEOUS. She looks like an Oscar winner! Her body is flawless - she looks fit. There's a difference between fit and anorexic. Fit people eat and workout. Anyway, her hair looks beautiful and the dress looks fantastic. She's the frontrunner for Best Actress, and she certainly looks the part.

6:45: Could there be two opposite ends of the Hollywood spectrum standing side by side than James Cameron and Maggie Gyllenhaal? The box office giant and the little Indie star. She looks really pretty. Her dress is different. It fits her nice. I'm still deciding if I love it.

6:40: Ryan and Ryan are totally acting like Sandra Bullock has a dick! WTF. I feel your pain, Sandy! (And, I'd love to have a brother/sister relationship with Ryan Reynolds. It would be called incest).

6:35: I wish I could get back the two minutes of my life that I spent watching Nicole Richie be interviewed on the red carpet. Her best known role: Paris Hilton's sidekick on a REALITY SHOW. Why is she being interviewed? On the flip side, I love Vera Farmiga's dress. And, I really loved her performance in Up in the Air. Her interview with Ryan is not going so well. It went from bad to worse when she labeled Kathryn Bigelow as her pick for Best Director, forgetting that Jason Reitman was nominated for Up in the Air. Poor thing. She didn't mean any harm by it, but it will probably stick with her for the rest of the night.

6:30: Why is Ryan asking everyone on the carpet if they saw Avatar? Ryan, everyone saw Avatar. It's the highest grossing movie ever. That dress that Zoe Saldana is wearing is terrible. She gorgeous, so it almost works, but the ti-colored ruffles aren't doing it for me.

6:23Was E! behind the scenes with Ryan and Giuliana Rancic to try and convince us that she eats? I am not buying it.

6:20: Do you think Maria Carey knows that she's no longer relevant? I will give her credit that she's still working. And working hard at trying to remain atop the Hollywood A-list. But, she's sloppy. And I cringe every time she talks. She looks fine. Nothing special. Nothing crazy. Just meh. At least she isn't falling out all over the place.

6:15: Boo. I love Anna Kendrick. Her dress is very pretty, but the color completely blends in with her skin. She handled Ryan's question about the dissed dress really well. She's very well spoken and renews my faith in young Hollywood. Mo'Nique seemed to be very genuine and sweet when meeting Anna. That was really nice to see. Except I don't know what Mo'Nique just meant about kids in grown up faces. And, I believe Ryan just guaranteed a win for her. The first reference to rain!

6:08: Zac Efron is wearing too much makeup and self tanner. He saw Avatar four times. And, he's jerking off Sam Worthington. By the way, when Sam told Ryan that the Avatar took 15 months to make, I had flashbacks of Leo DiCaprio doing press for Titanic. Remember how someone laced the lobster chowder on the set of the Titanic with PCP? I always figured Leo was ready for a break after a grueling filming schedule or that someone felt the mood needed to be lifted.

5:55: By Los Angeles standards, it's cold today. Even worse: there's wind. This will make for an interesting red carpet. Wind does not work well with pretty hair. I don't know what I'd do if I was a famous Hollywood actress on a cold, windy night in a backless dress. I don't like to be cold or uncomfortable. I would probably beg for some kind of jacket or wrap. But, designers want their dresses to be seen, so it's not often that you see these women covered up. They are better people than I.

So, there will be an extra factor going on tonight. It will be fun to see how all the pretty people smile despite being cold. Because you know most of them haven't eaten in a week to decrease their body fat even further, which means less protection from the elements.

2:00: To think there was a time when I thought Matthew McConaughey was dreamy. I wouldn’t be surprised if that statement alone gets me kicked off The Cooler. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past was the nail in the McConaughey coffin. Or was it Fool's Gold? That was some shit right there.

Why am I even talking about him? He has nothing to do with the Oscars. Except that he used to date Sandy, who by many accounts is the frontrunner to win Best Actress (The Blind Side) this year – a year that she also starred in All About Steve. At least she was in that dreadfulness before she knew she might win an Oscar. Too bad the same can’t be said for Gwyneth Paltrow, who starred in Shallow Hal AFTER she won the statuette for Shakespeare in Love.

If my memory serves me correctly, I don’t think Jason is a big Sandra fan. I think it might be this quote from his blog, “Because most sports movies are mediocre, and because most movies starring Sandra Bullock are worse than that and because I have read the book upon which it is based, I had no intention of seeing The Blind Side.”

I like Sandra because she seems like a real person. She doesn’t seem to be driven by PR or fake bullshit the way a lot of actors are. Just think, in the weeks leading up to the Oscars, there haven’t been a lot of “random” tabloid photos of her, she hasn’t been seen with a cup of Starbucks walking in a Pap friendly neighborhood, and she hasn’t been campaigning for this win. I totally don’t count her husband’s dog being lost in Long Beach as a PR stunt. I might be wrong on this, but who would throw their dog on the 405 in Long Beach for PR?

OK, maybe Aniston.

But not my Sandy. She is funny. She isn’t stick thin. She has a personality. And a bad-boy husband.

Love. Her.

I haven’t seen The Blind Side, so I can’t comment on her performance. However, I will be here at The Cooler starting at 6 pm ET to see what she’s wearing.

I’m not here to discuss which performance was the best or what movie deserves the nod. I will say this though: Avatar better not win. Excuse me for not doing jumping jacks over a movie with cool effects in 2010. And, please, don’t insult me by trying to mask that bullshit story with pretty 3D birds and 12-foot tall blue men that look anorexic. I’m much more of an Up in the Air kind of girl. I like movies that have meaning behind what you see. Movies that have multi-layered characters, and storylines that leave me thinking about it four days later. I thought Anna Kendrick was phenomenal in Up in the Air, in part because of how she held her own with Clooney. Impressive feat for a girl who was in Twilight. She stole the movie for me.

Kendrick is a long shot to win Best Supporting Actress; by all accounts it’s Mo'Nique’s to lose. But I love this category. Loved Vera Farmiga (nothing but a tie, hello!), and I'm a lover of Maggie Gyllenhaal because of her performance in one of my all time favorite movies – Secretary. (Like I said, I like movies that make you think.) I am very excited to see what Maggie wears because she definitely won’t be in a simple – and safe – little black dress a la Aniston. She’ll be bold, and different, and I like that. I also can’t wait to see Carey Mulligan. Now that’s a gorgeous girl. How I wish I could wear short hair like that.

Looking forward to gossiping with you all.

Allison will be online at 6 pm ET to begin her coverage. Please follow along (hit the refresh key often) and add your thoughts in the comments section. The Cooler's live blog of the Academy Awards will begin at 8 pm ET.

Read more of Allison at Tales From LaLa Land.